


A Perfectly (Un)Ordinary Morning

by flipflop_diva



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Goose on the Loose, Making a mess, Nothing Normal Here, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 01:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21110168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: It was a perfectly ordinary morning for Vernon Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, just the way he liked it.Until Petunia screamed.





	A Perfectly (Un)Ordinary Morning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marginaliana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/gifts).

> This was so fun to write! Thank you, marginaliana, for your prompts!

It was a perfectly ordinary morning for Vernon Dursley of number four, Privet Drive. His perfectly ordinary alarm clock went off at exactly five thirty on the dot, a perfectly ordinary time. He took a perfectly ordinary shower with perfectly ordinary lukewarm water. He got dressed in a perfectly ordinary pair of black pants and a white button-down shirt that would look just like everyone else’s at his job. He put on his perfectly ordinary pair of black loafers and headed down the stairs, looking forward to his perfectly ordinary bowl of porridge that his beautiful wife Petunia was making him at that very moment.

But there his perfectly ordinary morning came to a halt.

A high-pitched scream came from the way of the kitchen. “VERNOOOOOOOOOOOON!” 

His heart in his throat, Vernon Dursley hurried down the stairs and to the kitchen, every worst-case scenario going through his mind. Had they gotten a call about something being wrong with their precious Dudleykins? Had a horrible wizard shown up in their kitchen to tell them that dreadful Potter character was moving back in with them? Had the neighbors noticed that they had neglected to clean the passenger side mirror on their car?

He flung open the kitchen door, prepared for anything, and stopped dead in his tracks. He had not been prepared for this.

There, on the stove, standing in the pot of his perfectly ordinary porridge, stood a most un-perfectly unordinary goose.

“VERNOOOOOOOOON!” screamed Petunia.

“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK! HOOOONK! HOOOONK” went the goose.

“Get it out!” screamed Petunia. “Quick! Before the neighbors see!”

Vernon looked around wildly, trying to see something he could use. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the spoon holder next to the stove and started brandishing it at the goose like a sword.

“Get! Get!” he yelled.

“HONK!” said the goose. “HONK! HONK!”

“It’s not working!!!!” Petunia shouted.

“I see that!” Vernon huffed, picking up a second spoon and trying to use both spoons at once. “Where did it come from anyway?”

“I don’t know!” screeched Petunia. “It just appeared!”

Vernon froze for just a second. He knew the same thought had to have gone through his wife’s mind, but neither of them dared utter the “M” word in this house. 

He dropped the spoons on the ground, looking around for something else he could use.

“Yes!” he said, hurrying over to the removable water spout on the sink. He picked it up and aimed it at the goose, water flying all over the kitchen.

“HONK!” went the goose. 

And then it leapt, out of the pot of porridge, the whole pot tumbling after it.

Petunia screamed again as porridge went everywhere — across the stove, dripping on to the floor, somehow splattering the walls. “Get it!” she shouted at Vernon, who took off after the goose, now leaving porridge footprints all over the kitchen floor.

Vernon dove at the goose as it crossed into their dining room, but the goose was wily, slipping out from between his hands, honking as it leaped on to their table, tossing candles and place settings everywhere.

Petunia screamed. Vernon faltered, trying to decide whether to catch the plates that were now flying through the air or continue after the goose.

He grabbed a plate flying at his head, but that was the wrong choice. He saw it a second too late. The window was open, the goose was right there, their neighbors were outside getting into their cars for their drives to work.

Petunia screamed again as the goose dove through the window, almost running across their front lawn, honking wildly.

“HONK! HONK! HONKHONKHONK!!!”

The neighbors turned to stare, their mouths open in horror. Vernon stood in his open window, trying to avoid the neighbors’ eyes, trying to pretend he didn’t see or hear the goose still waddling down the street. Too late he realized he was covered in porridge, his perfectly ordinary outfit ruined.

He backed slowly away from the window, quickly closing the blinds. He turned to Petunia. She was crying.

“Our lives are over!” she sobbed.

All Vernon could do was nod miserably. “I know, darling,” he said. “I know.”

••

Around the corner, the goose stopped, out of sight of the residents of Privet Drive. A few seconds later Harry returned to his normal body shape. He sank down on to the ground, laughing hysterically, until tears sprang from his eyes.

He could not wait to tell Ron and Hermione about this.


End file.
